Blur your life with madness.

Now, the illusion is completely shattered.
You destroyed it yourself.

But still.

But still.

I think I just got my heart broken today.

How was it possible to feel so happy, excited, and in love and at the same time so heartbroken, sorry, confused, and scared? 
It’s called life, babycakes. Get used it to it.
~ The Gossip Girl Prequel: It Had To Be You, Cecily von Ziegesar

It took seeing him again to realize that the feeling probably never did go away. She was so excited to see him, and when she did….she felt how wonderful it is to set eyes on someone again, and feel sure, if just in that moment. Everything made sense, and maybe, just maybe she thought, it could work out okay this time.

But when he started talking about this other girl and all that, everything just fell to pieces. That was not what she expected at all, and definitely not what she wanted to hear. She spent the next few hours saying that’s she’s happy for him, that she’ll support him — smiling… when everything inside her feels like they’re crumbling away. Like someone hit her in the chest and left a gaping hole in it. She felt so empty, so hollow… she wasn’t even sure why she was there at that moment. Why did she ever do that to herself again?

She let someone in, and broke her - again. The signs were obvious, but still she refused to see. And thinking back, she realized how naive she’s been holding on to that little glimmer of hope when the odds are pointing in the other direction in the first place.

There’s no going back now, she thought. Not that she could, anyway.